To Whom It May Concern...

Dear Whoever May Have Stolen My Future Husbands Wallet,

I do not for one minute appreciate you stealing my future husbands wallet. Not only have you caused me to be on the verge of several panic attacks...you have made Manny very angry as well. As you probably do NOT know...we are to be married in 34 days...so this means come 30 days prior to the wedding we may get our marriage license...but YOU have possibly ruined this. You see, in order to obtain a marriage license in Texas you need a form of idenification, i.e. - Texas drivers license or CERTIFIED copy of birth certificate (he was born in El Paso), his wallet contained not only his drivers license but his social security card AS WELL. In order to get a replacement drivers license he needs his social security card...which is in YOUR hands mr. or ms. THEIF...and in order to get his social security replacement card...he needs his DRIVERS LICENSE which is ALSO in your hands Mr. or Ms. THEIF. I do not appreciate you causing us this much stress during an already stressful time in our lifes! You are a piece of scum on the dirtiest toilet in America. I hope you enjoy using my future husbands drivers license, social security card, UNCASHED paycheck (the check has been cancelled), our childrens idenification cards if they are ever kidnapped, health insurance cards, and all the other items he may need...because karma is a bitch and YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS.

Also....

Dear Hurricane Gustav,

I am pretty sure I asked you not to come our way! Which I must say you are avoiding us for the most part but you are NOT avoiding my Mom! Or my elderly grandmother and several aunts, uncles, and cousins. My aunt and grandmother have evacuated and my other aunt and uncle had to pack up their horses and dog and evacuate. I do not appreciate this either! You too sir are a piece of scum.